If you’re like any normal couple, then you have a fight every once in a blue moon. Unfortunately for some, the fights can escalate quickly. It can be especially tough if you have different fighting styles as I call them.
My husband is more of the “leave me alone when I’m angry” type during fights where as I’m the “let’s talk about this right now” half. These two styles can clash quite frequently, but we’ve learned how to diffuse the fight. Here’s our 5 tips:
- Lower your voice and try to contain your words. Shouting only makes things majorly worse. Keeping the volume down will allow you to actually have a conversation instead of a fight. Sometimes that little voice in your head has to remind you to take things down a notch. A lot of people’s tendencies are to start screaming and yelling, but that’s definitely not going to make things better no matter how much you want to do just that.
- Use words like “I feel…” instead of “you…” Here’s a great example:
The wrong way: “You think I don’t pull my share when it comes to cleaning.”
The right way: “I feel like you think I don’t pull my share when it comes to cleaning.” You can even add something like “I know you don’t intentionally come off that way, but I can’t change the way I feel.”
- Try to use humor and get the giggles going. Sometimes it may be completely inappropriate, but it always helps to lighten the mood. Normally, we start laughing at ourselves. While we try to hide the smile, it eventually pops up and the mood is instantly lightened.
- Apologize. Both of us ALWAYS apologize at the end of the fight. It may take a little prompting from the other, but there’s always an apology and resolution from both parties. This really helps things because we know the fight has come to an end. From there, we can just move forward.
A lot of couples never resolve their fights. They blow up and act like nothing even happened. You’ll find that those people end up letting things fester. In a few years, it all catches up to them.
- Don’t bring up the fight ever again. Apologizing is one thing, but letting it go is another. In the famous words of Elsa…”let it go, let it go!” Couples tend to bring up issues from fights in the past. Do not do this. It will only end up to each person keeping score. You’ll be rehashing your entire past.
Forgive and move on.
Now, I’m no relationship expert, but I can tell you from experience that these tips help keep our fights to a minimum. However, don’t think for a second that we’re perfect and this works every time. We’re still (6 years later) learning how to constructively fight.