“It’s your wedding, not theirs. Be kind, but don’t try to please everyone.”
Up until last week, the wedding planning had been unbelievably peaceful. No drama. No fighting. Just smooth sailing.
Until…some family members got word of the guest list and how they were not on it. This is going to happen for every wedding because (unless you have a million dollars to spare) you have to draw the line somewhere. Your sister’s best friend’s brother just may not make the cut.
If you’re anything like me, then you’ll understand when I say that I have been absolutely sick about it – to the point where I could barely even choke down Chick-Fil-A. Fighting with family members about your wedding day can be extremely stressful.
Here’s my recommendations for handling irate friends and family who didn’t get the invite:
- Stand your ground. There is a reason you did not allow this person to attend. Whether you harbor a vendetta or you just didn’t have any more room on the guest list, you need to hold strong. If you make an exception for them, then you might as well just make an exception for everyone. When word gets out that you allowed that person to attend, it may create more drama than it’s worth.
- Communicate with your friends and family. While I believe I made the right decision not inviting all of my cousins to the wedding, I do think I could have communicated this to the rest of the family much better. To this day, I’ve always believed in over communication and that it never hurts to keep people in the loop. However, in this situation, I believed it to be more rude to tell someone they aren’t invited. But, if you’re open and honest with the reasoning behind why you couldn’t invite them, then they’re more likely to be receptive to it.
- Deal with the problem head on! Before you get angry (like I did), give yourself a brief cooling off period. Then, tackle the problem head on. This is not something you want to ignore or allow to fester. Trust me, it will only end up biting you in the bum.
- Go to the person who is upset. In my case, it went through a channel that went through a channel that went through a channel. See where I’m going with this? It’s like the game of telephone. At the end, you’re left with something completely different from where you started.
Call or meet with the person who is upset. Explain to them the situation and listen to their opinions. In most cases, you aren’t going to agree with their opinion. And that’s okay! You don’t have to, but you do have to be respectful. Once you’ve listened to them, let them know your final decision and MOVE ON. Do NOT let this ruin your big day!
- Don’t talk shit. Take the higher road. Don’t go around to family members and bitch about this person. It will get back to them! Instead, just talk to your fiance or parents about what’s going on. They’ll keep it strictly confidential and you’ll be able to let off some steam. Plus, maybe you’ll score some helpful advice.
What escalated my situation was the fact that their entire side of the family was screenshotting all of my text messages and forwarding it to everyone in the family. While I cannot control their behavior (as I’ve been told a million times by my own father), what they did was only stirring the pot. This leads to animosity, people getting in your business who shouldn’t and torn relationships.