“Keep people who love you, motivate you, encourage you, enhance you and make you happy. If a person does NONE of these things, let them go.”
-Marc and Angel
Friendship has always been a bumpy road for me. Throughout my life, I’ve made tons of friends. Some good and quite a few bad. While the good friends made life better, the bad ones made my life unbearable at times. I was surrounded by negativity and my social anxiety was through the roof. Do they like me? Why don’t they want to hang out with me? How come I never get the invite?
It stings when you feel like you’re being left out. It’s not fun feeling like the outcast or worrying about whether they like you or not. With a true friend, you shouldn’t have those feelings. Now, it’s not always going to be sunshine and rainbows, but at the end of the day, you know your best friend has your back.
What a lot of people don’t realize is that toxic friends can cause a lot more harm than you think. It can do a number to your self-esteem and can even make you depressed at times. So, why put yourself through it? I mean YOLO (LOL)! You don’t want to live this life feeling sad or upset all the time. And hey, if you have the “I don’t give a fuck” personality, more power to you! I wish I could do that, but the reality is not everyone can.
When it comes to toxic friends, the best advice I can give you is cut the cord. And when I say cut the cord, I mean end all communication with them. I know it sounds harsh, but that’s what you have to do. If you keep them in your lives even the slightest bit, it can drive you crazy.
Now, there are some exceptions like an ex-spouse or an unavoidable family member. But, the premise is still there. Be cordial, but don’t go above and beyond.
Are you wondering if it’s time to cut that cord, then answer these 5 questions below.
- Do you go out of your way for them, but they never go out of their way for you?
There’s nothing more frustrating than having someone’s back only to find out — in a time of crisis– that they don’t have yours.
Not ready to let them go just yet, here’s what you can do: You can really take two approaches to this. 1. You can stop doing favors for them. and 2. You can talk to them about it. Tell them how you’re feeling and what you need from them to continue this friendship.
- Are they always finding a way to put you down?
This is what I call “mean girls.” The kind who say they are your friend, but always find a way to put you down or act like they are better than you. It could be something as simple as commenting about your hair or your size. Watch Mean Girls if you need to see an example of how this works.
Not ready to let them go just yet, here’s what you can do: Have a hear-to-heart conversation with them, preferably not over alcohol. Let them know that the things they say hurt your feelings.
- Do they leave you out?
I’m not saying they have to invite you out with them every weekend, but are you getting invites at all? With social media nowadays, it sucks to see all of your friends hanging out with each other, but yet, somehow yours must have gotten lost in translation.
Not ready to let them go just yet, here’s what you can do: Stop inviting them to go do things. See, if they will start asking you to hang out instead.
- Do they pay you back or pay their fair share?
If you’re out to dinner, do they offer to pay their half or do they always expect you to foot the bill? After a while, it can become extremely frustrating to be the one to always pay for things.
Not ready to let them go just yet, here’s what you can do: Next time you go out just be honest with them. You can even turn it into a joke. Just say “dinner’s on you this time, right?”
- Are you happy with them in your life?
After answering all of the questions above, you should have a pretty good idea if they are making you happy or not.
Life’s too short to deal with toxic people!
Have you had an toxic friendships? Let us know what happened and how you handled it in the comments below.
One of you may be chosen to be a guest blogger in the future to tell your story.